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Lessons Learned
 
In my younger days, the word "leadership" connoted images of Girl Scouts, high school band leaders, and the president of the yearbook club. The concept of leadership was completely esoteric - an intangible possessed by a scant few.

Early in my corporate career, I observed "leaders" in action: yelling, back stabbing, demeaning others, making unilateral decisions, and firing valued employees at whim. These so-called leaders were rewarded with eye-popping bonuses, coveted parking places for their luxury cars, and corner offices with their own bathrooms. Hmmm, I thought, leadership must be all about power and being in control. After all, look at the rewards for running a tight, fearful ship. This being the sum of my education in leadership, I decided these older and wiser corporate executives must know something about leadership that I did not. Lesson #1: Choose whom you emulate very carefully.

And so, in my very first management position, I ruled with tight-fisted authority. A true dictatorial maven I was, and so proud to have my people scampering at my slightest command. Little did I know these bright, talented, and hard working people probably wished me dead (or at least comatose). When one of my long time staff members sat me down and told me a thing or two about my lack of leadership mastery, I was incredulous but, deep down, knew there was merit in his message. Lesson #2: Accept the fact that youth and naivete can be the most powerful of teachers.

It was not until several years later in my career that I acquired a modicum of leadership wisdom. In 1983, I left the corporate arena to start my own business. I had observed enough organizational dysfunction and toxic management practices to know that I wanted to have a company that was founded on a new archetype - one that valued people, nurtured them, and fostered their development as human beings. A novel concept for 1983, but one that I was determined to bring to life. Lesson #3: Listen to your inner voice and follow your own path.

During the last 19 years, I have remained committed to this principle of leadership and have refined several criteria that, in my opinion, make an exemplary leader:

1) A strong leader creates change by using influence, not control.

2) To be influential requires the ability to read other people and adapt to their style.      Leaders are well-versed in personality, communication, and interpersonal relations,      and use this knowledge to develop and maintain rapport with others. They are      outstanding listeners.

3) Leaders happily put others first. Always.

4) Leaders take feelings into account. They have a heart and aren't the least bit afraid to     show it.

5) Leaders live authentically, without pretense or affectation.

6) Leaders have a lively sense of humor and use it frequently.

7) Leaders have highly developed insight, intuition, and flexibility. They spend time      developing acuity in left and right brain function.

8) Leaders provide encouragement and validation. (You'd be amazed how many people      have never received encouragement from their parents when they were growing up.)

9) A strong leader can undo damage that has been done by others.

10) Leaders are mentors, not managers.

11) Leaders are never complacent. They are always thirsty for knowledge and are       committed to lifelong learning. They share their knowledge freely with others and       encourage others' personal and professional development.

12) Leaders have a passion for directing the spotlight on others. They get a real kick out       of stepping into the background while someone else shines.

13) Leaders live their lives from the perspective of abundance. They know there is       plenty to go around for everyone and so they are generous with their time,       knowledge, and resources.

Interestingly, many people believe they are not - or never could be - leaders when, in fact, we are all leaders whether at home, on the job, in school, or at play with our children. Our behavior, and that means everything we do, sets the standard for those around us. Personal leadership, the concept of leading oneself, is the foundation of leadership for all of us. As my friend, Dr. Ray Russell says, "You can't lead others if you can't lead yourself." How true!

In essence, true leaders are self-actualized people who possess the wisdom, confidence, self-discipline, and emotional intelligence that enables them to focus on others, rather than their own self interest. Granted, this state of mind is not easy to reach and maintain; it is human nature to feel fear, anxiety, and the "what if's" that cause us to reserve our good work only for ourselves. But, if we allow this to happen, we cease being the leader that others can turn to for guidance, support, and motivation. Lesson #4: Keep giving, even in the face of fear and scarcity. Your rewards will be many and great.

Richard Moss said, "The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention." Give your full attention to someone today. Listen with an open mind, and offer anything you can to support them. This is leadership.

Debra Davenport, PhD, is a Master Professional Mentor and the president of DavenportFolio, a licensed firm with offices in Los Angeles and Phoenix that mentors entrepreneurs and professionals. She is the creator of the Certified Professional Mentor® designation and certification program and the author of The Ten Commitments of Highly Successful People. debra@davenportfolio.com or (866) 232-6492.

 

 
 
     
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