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Women Can Find Balance

When I was asked to write this column on the subject of finding balance, I had to chuckle. Is there such a thing, I asked myself? Technology, for all of its contributions to our society has, in fact, virtually obliterated the chance for any of us to live a June Cleaver lifestyle. Today, we're bombarded with e-mails, conference calls, meetings, snail mail, employees, bosses, clients, family, friends, and all the responsibilities that go along with trying to make a living and maintain a reasonably functional household. Whew. I must say, however, that I feel very fortunate. Even with the barrage of incoming communications, the client phone calls, and the myriad requests, for me I truly have no concerns about finding balance in my life. That is because my life is my livelihood; my livelihood is my life. I absolutely love what I do. It is a natural extension of who I am. I feel no need to "get away", take a break, or take a day off. Take a day off from what? Being me? There is no separation from what I do and who I am. And this, I believe, is the key to living in equanimity. Let's first take a look at what "balance" really is: A New Age term for self-actualization based upon intrinsic values, healthy boundaries, authenticity, and the pursuit of one's life mission. I'd like to take a moment and focus on the word "authenticity" because I believe it is the foundation for self-actualization. Many people avoid acknowledging their authentic selves because to do so might cause them to make changes in their lives and change is often frightening. The status quo, even if quite imperfect, can become a comfortable safety zone. Unfortunately, if the status quo is incongruent with the authentic self, life becomes quite predictably out of balance. Authentic living requires that we engage ourselves in the right livelihood; a career that is also a life mission creates harmony and fulfillment on many different levels. If you have not yet found your true calling, you owe it to yourself to discover your right career path. Similarly, if you have not yet clearly identified your personal and work values, true balance might be hard to find. Healthy self-esteem is another element of a balanced lifestyle. It is a natural by-product of authenticity. When you are true to yourself, when you accept yourself exactly as you are, when you know yourself as well as you possibly can, you become empowered to make smart decisions and set healthy boundaries. Too often, women engage in codependent behavior; we tend to put the needs of others first, sometimes to our detriment. Society has taught us that subrogating ourselves in order to nurture others is a desirable and admirable female characteristic. The opposite, however, is true. High self-esteem is realized through appropriate self care and the acknowledgement that the self is the first priority - not the needs of anyone else. While a day at the spa can certainly fill the bill, here are some other self care tactics you can incorporate into your life to provide lasting and fulfilling self-nurturing:   Feed your spirit. Whether it's a yoga class, worship service, or a walk on the beach, make some time each week for quiet reflection. You can't put a price tag on peace of mind.   Get healthy. Proper nutrition, exercise, and regular medical care are essential to your well being. If you've been putting off that yoga class, remember what I said about self care. Make your health a top priority. Nurture your mind. Rather than doing the laundry when you come home from work, take an hour to read or meditate. Listen to educational and motivational CDs on your drive to work, or perhaps write in a journal before you go to bed.   Connect. Friends and family are often the best "balancers" of all. When you're feeling stressed, reach out to those who care about you. Share some laughs and process the issues you're facing.   Plan your life. Most people have no idea where they want to be in the next five or ten years, much less in the next twenty. Albeit we can't predict the future, a solid life plan puts you in the driver seat. Leaving your life to chance is risky at best. Find balance by knowing what you want and how you're going to get there.   Ask for help. We all get overwhelmed at times and that can quickly disrupt any sense of balance we might have. If you're overcommitted or your plate is too full, don't be afraid (or ashamed) to ask for help. Delegating even the smallest task can free up precious time for self care.

Debra Davenport, PhD, is a Master Professional Mentor and the president of DavenportFolio, a licensed firm with offices in Los Angeles and Phoenix that mentors entrepreneurs and professionals. She is the creator of the Certified Professional Mentor® designation and certification program and the author of The Ten Commitments of Highly Successful People. debra@davenportfolio.com or (866) 232-6492.

     

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